GETTING OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND OF THE MIND STANDING STEADY ON THE THREE-LEGGED STOOL

By Rus Devorah (Darcy) Wallen, LCSW, CIMHP

We’ve all been there. A thought slips in — a “what if,” a fearful image, a replay of something from the past — and before you know it, you’re riding the mental merry-go-round - The “Machshova Merry-Go-Round.” At first, it’s slow, the horses and zebras bobbing gently up and down. But if you don’t step off early, it picks up speed, the music grows louder, and you’re gripping the pole, dizzy, wondering how you got so far from calm.

From a Torah perspective, many of these runaway thoughts are distortions — subtle distractions from mo’ach shalit al halev, the mind ruling over the heart (Tanya, ch. 12). From a neuroscience perspective, they’re self-reinforcing loops between the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) and the default mode network, pumping out stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine. Left unchecked, they strengthen the very neural pathways we wish were weaker.

The good news? You can train yourself to become the carousel operator — the one with the red stop button. And the way to do it is by creating a steady stance on what I call the Three-Legged Stool: body, soul, and mind. When those three are aligned and steady, you become a better “chooser” of the direction in which your mind goes.

The Button Operator Who Went for Hot Dogs

Imagine the operator at every merry-go-round. His job is to let you ride for two minutes, then he presses the big red button to stop it. But one day, he wanders off. First, he buys a hot dog with everything on it. Then another, because it was that good. On his way back, he spots a carnival game — his kids would love a plush toy. He plays a few rounds, throws the darts, pops the balloons, wins a teddy bear, and keeps going. Then, he sees cotton candy, which is irresistible. Now with sticky hands, he detours to wash up. Meanwhile, the ride hasn’t stopped at two minutes — it’s been forty-five. The music is pounding, the horseys are flying, and the riders are nauseous and finished (not only with the ride).

That’s metaphorically what happens when we let a distorted thought spin unchecked out of control. The “button operator” — your prefrontal cortex, the CEO of the brain — has left its post, and the amygdala is running the show. The longer the ride goes, the harder it is to stop without an external jolt.

The Early Exit Principle

The easiest time to get off the merry-go-round is right at the start, before momentum builds. That’s when the music is soft and the motion is slow. If you can say, “Nope, I’m not going there,” and shift your focus to something grounded — your breath, your feet on the floor, the taste of your tea — you can avoid the spin altogether.

In Chassidic thought, this chazara, “return” — bringing the mind back to its intended focus. In neuroscience, it’s engaging the prefrontal cortex to redirect attention to present sensory input, interrupting the stress loop. This is a form of what’s called “meditation.” William James captured the essence of this practice over a century ago:

“The faculty of voluntarily bringing back a wandering attention, over and over again, is the very root of judgment, character, and will. An education which should improve this faculty would be the education par excellence.” (James, 1890)

This “education par excellence” is exactly what we cultivate when we learn to notice thoughts early and gently return to where we want to be.

The Three-Legged Stool: Body, Soul, and Mind

A stool can stand on three legs. Take one away, and it wobbles; take two, it doesn’t even start to stand. We’re built the same way: body, soul, and mind. Each of our “main components” must be engaged and aligned if we want stability. Too often, people address one domain at a time — seeing a therapist for the mind, a doctor for the body, a rabbi or clergy member for the soul — without pulling them together as one integrated whole.

When the merry-go-round starts, each leg of the stool has a role to play.

LEG ONE: THE SOUL — CALMING THE “NIGHT” WITH BITACHON

Fears and worries can occur any time of the day; we could call that the “night” within our day. Many of my clients complain of “sundowning.” When the sun goes down, their mood follows. Evenings can amplify worries: it’s darker, quieter, and distractions are fewer, so the mind can drift into fearful territory.

The first leg of the stool is bitachon — trust in Hashem. When you feel you’re “In Good Hands,” your mind rests.

A simple evening practice: spend five minutes learning about bitachon (trust -confidence). Read a letter from the Rebbe, a passage from Sha’ar HaBitachon (Gate of Trust) by Ibn Pakuda, or listen to a trusted Torah teacher. The Lubavitcher Rebbe emphasized repeatedly that confidence in G-d’s providence shifts not only mood but also action. Ibn Pakuda goes further: cultivating trust isn’t only a comfort, it’s a spiritual duty and a transformative habit that brings serenity.

Neuroscience Connection

Internalizing safety cues activates the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which in turn dampens amygdala-driven fear responses (Davidson & McEwen, 2012). In other words, when the soul learns trust, the brain learns calm.

LEG TWO: THE BODY — “RELAXATION IS FOUND IN THE EXHALE”

When anxiety strikes, the body knows first: shoulders tense, the jaw tightens, the heart races. These are survival gifts — the “5 Fs”: fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop — designed for real danger…Not for chronic, repeated false alarms. But when the threat is only in your head, you need a quick off-switch, as if you were the “button operator.”

One of my favorite methods is the Breathing Contest:

1. Inhale gently through your nose (the way Hashem breathed life into Adam).

2. Exhale through the smallest mouth opening possible. If it helps, make your mouth like an “ooh,” or hiss out the air with an “sss” or “fff,” drawing it out as long as you can.

3. Don’t force the inhale; the body will take what it needs. The aim is a long exhale, because that slows the heart via the vagus nerve.

Do this before sleep or whenever you need to downshift. If practiced regularly, it becomes a readily available, handy tool in the moment — before the merry-go-round takes your mind whirling.

The Neuroscience Connection is that long exhalations increase parasympathetic activity, lower heart rate, and reduce circulating stress hormones (Siegel, 2007).

LEG THREE: THE MIND — TRAINING THE “BUTTON OPERATOR”

The mind is the fastest of the soul’s 3 garments (mind/thought, speech and action). Thoughts race faster than speech or action, and once they accelerate, it’s easy to get swept away. The mind needs a tamer — the “button operator” who knows when to stop the ride.

Morning is ideal for training. Try a short meditation that focuses on your breath or another anchor. When your mind wanders, gently return to the breath and its sensations. Each return is like pressing the red button — it strengthens what I call the “meditative muscle of the mind” or the “chooser muscle.” My “Beginner’s Meditation on the Breath” is a six-minute example of this kind of training.

In Torah, this is mo’ach shalit al haleiv in practice; in neuroscience, it’s neuroplasticity in action, reinforcing attentional control networks (Miller & C’de Baca, 2001). Attentional control networks refer to interconnected brain regions — primarily the prefrontal cortex, anterior cingulate cortex, and parietal lobes — that work together to regulate focus and inhibit distractions. In our practice, we repeatedly “return” our attention during meditation, so these networks grow stronger, much like exercising the “meditative muscle.” Miller and C’de Baca note that such practices improve resilience, emotional regulation, and the capacity to redirect thought patterns away from maladaptive loops. In other words, every time you notice your mind wandering and gently guide it back, you are literally rewiring your brain to be more stable and less reactive.

Why Reasoning Doesn’t Always Work

One of the biggest traps is trying to argue with irrational thoughts. By the time you’re deep into the spin, the amygdala has hijacked your prefrontal cortex, making rational debate ineffective. Alter Rebbe’s approach in Tanya, chapter 12, is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones — machshava tova — rather than wrestling with them. In cognitive terms, it’s easier to switch channels than to critique the program mid-broadcast.

Everyday Hacks for Getting Off the Ride

You don’t need to wait for a formal meditation session. Micro-practices help build resilience:

· Sensory Anchoring: Chop vegetables mindfully, smell the herbs, bless slowly, taste and savor.

· Visual Focus: On a drive, choose a visual detail to notice — white cars, or specific brands — not obsessively, but as an anchor.

· Embodied Awareness: Feel your feet on the floor, the sun on your face, your shoulders drop as you exhale.

· Micro-Meditations: Waiting in an office? Spend two minutes on slow breathing or scanning bodily sensations.

Over time, these build the neural pathways you need to step off the ride quickly and confidently.

The Cost of Staying On

If you let irrational thoughts spin unchecked, the cost is high:

· Physically: Elevated cortisol, muscle tension, and, over time, structural brain changes — a hyperreactive amygdala and a shrunken hippocampus.

· Spiritually: You lose presence in avodah (inner work), relationships, and the opportunity or mitzvah in front of you. Instead of b’chol derachecha da’eihu (“Know Him in all your ways”), your awareness is stuck in an imagined future or a regretted past.

As some therapists remind their clients: Anxiety lives in the future. Depression lives in the past. Freedom — in both Torah and neuroscience — lives in the present.

A Simple Daily Boot Camp

· Soul: Five minutes of bitachon study in the evening.

· Body: A breathing contest before bed or during stress spikes.

· Mind: Six minutes of breath or body-focused meditation in the morning.

Integrate them daily, and you’ll be ready for the moment the ride starts. You’ll be the operator — not the dizzy passenger.

Choosing Your Ride

We can’t stop all unwanted thoughts from arising. A loud bang outside might make you think “bomb” before you realize it was just a tire bursting. That’s fine — the initial “F” reaction is protective. The skill lies in what you do next. Do you ride that thought into catastrophe? Or do you assess, adjust, and maybe even offer to help the driver with your tire pump?

The merry-go-round will always be there. But so will the button. Stand steady on the three legs — body, soul, and mind — and you can press it anytime. That’s where your mind is clearest, your heart is calmest, and your choices are truly free. You become the “Chooser.”

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References

Davidson, R. J., & McEwen, B. S. (2012). Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being. Nature Neuroscience, 15(5), 689–695. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.3093

James, W. (1890). The principles of psychology (Vol. 1). Henry Holt and Company.

Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson. (1986). Igrot Kodesh (Vol. 43). Kehot Publication Society.

Miller, L., & C’de Baca, J. (2001). Finding the center: Meditation and neuropsychology. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 15(3), 221–230.

Rambam, M. (n.d.). Mishneh Torah, Hilchot De’os.

Shneur Zalman of Liadi. (1796). Tanya. Kehot Publication Society.

Siegel, D. J. (2007). The mindful brain: Reflection and attunement in the cultivation of well-being. W. W. Norton & Company.